MICHAEL JACKSON'S BODY STOLEN BY CANNIBALS

THE KING OF POP IS GONE. NOW, MICHAEL'S JACKSON'S BODY IS ALSO GONE. AND TITO AND JERMAINE ARE NOT HAPPY. In a press conference this morning in Los Angeles Jermaine Jackson announced that cannibals have stolen Michael's body, and worse yet, it may be too late to recover it. Jermaine did not mince words today when he spoke of the outrage the entire family feels: "I don't have any respect for these people. They're cannibals! My God, what else is there to say! For goodness sake, they need to realize that there are many parts of Michael that are not edible but which mean a lot to his family. Please, please we beg you, whoever has Michael's body, please return it. If you've
already eaten part of Micheal, we won't care. We just want what's left back so we can give Michael a proper burial. And let me tell you, you don't want Tito on your case. You'll be sorry if Tito ever catches you!"

How does anyone know it was cannibals? It seems certain ritual objects left at the crime scene were identified by a UCLA anthropologist as belonging to a Highland New Guinea tribe known as the Umpawanto.
Professor Freidrickson: "California is a land of immigrants, and sadly it seems that some of these immigrants have carried some very bad habits into the country with them. I am in contact with members of the Umpawanto community in LA to try to open up negotiations. I am however, cognizant of the fact that it may indeed be too late."

Even more chilling was a wish list found on an Umpawanto computer seized by police; the cannibals have decided that Trace Adkins, Donny Osmond and Elizabeth Hasselback also offer an opportunity for fine dining --none of these entertainers would, however, comment on the news.

This site is following this story closely and will update our readers soon